Fast forward to December 2011 and from the outside my business looked great. We had survived the toughest part of the recession. I had made my best friend my business partner, the Company was growing larger, our reputation and reach were extending, we had invites to amazing events, and were being nominated for awards.
But, inside the business I was stuck and lost. I was not having fun! I wasn’t delegating, I was pushing people away again.
I was working round the clock, but we were not making enough profit, I was not running my business, my business was running me!
The patterns of my past were repeating themselves.
I felt trapped, and overwhelmed. I doubted everything, I felt discomfort and I numbed it with food and alcohol, I felt no real pleasure and no real pain, I felt disconnected from my clients, from my business partners and from my purpose.
All I could hear were demands, dissatisfaction; the voice of my own disappointment, and silence…
On the outside, I looked like I was coping. Doing well even. The smile masked what was really going on.
No matter what you think you’re “supposed to” feel - listening to yourself and your body is a non-negotiable and a huge part of the Misfit to Maven way.
Regardless of how it looked on the outside, I had hit my rock bottom - my dark night of the soul – No yoga, diet, CBT, retreat, or advice was going to pull me up from the floor this time; I felt flat, my life was completely grey, all the colour had gone.
It was time for a change.