Opting out of the Drama

Does your life feel like a soap opera? Are you ready to opt out of the drama?

After you reach adulthood, the buck stops with you.
The truth is that you are responsible for your own happiness. You are accountable for your thoughts, beliefs, behaviours and actions.

You see, you are not just a product of your circumstance, whilst your circumstances and situation are real and how they make you feel is also 100% valid – You are a here to learn and grow, to be curious and to experiment and you have free will.

If you want to opt out of the drama, you can – here’s how….

The first thing you must acknowledge is that life is not happening TO you, its happening FOR you and when you change your mindset and attitude, you are able to opt out of the drama, which means that life will feel much more calm and enjoyable.

Each of us has struggles and situations. Life chucks stuff at all of us, it is how we respond and what we do with ‘our lot’ that determines the quality of our lives.

Whilst we may not have control of a situation or a person we can change our attitude, thoughts, beliefs, (re)actions and behaviours.

If you have made the decision to leave the drama behind and assume responsibility for yourself – AND let others assume responsibility for themselves, then in the words of the author Abraham-Hicks:

“Tell everyone you know: My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.”

The first step is always AWARENESS and my hope is that by sharing The Karpman Drama Triangle with you, you’ll be able to see a pattern, and do something differently.

The Karpman Drama Triangle is a model that was originally conceived by Steven Karpman and was used to plot the interplay and behavioural “moves” between two or more people. Karpman’s original premise was based on the Transactional Analysis (TA) model as proposed by Eric Berne in the 50’s.

Opting out of the Drama.

The Drama Triangle

There are three roles in a drama ‘game’: Rescuer, Victim and Persecutor

The “Rescuer” is someone who often does not own their own vulnerability and seeks instead to “rescue” those whom they see as vulnerable.

The Rescuer often does more than 50% of the work, they may offer “help” unasked for, rather than find out if and how the other person wants to be supported, and what the Rescuer agrees to do may in actual fact not be what they really want to do.

This means that the Rescuer may then often end up feeling “hard done by” or resentful, used or unappreciated in some way. The Rescuer does not take responsibility for themselves, but rather takes responsibility for the perceived Victim, whom they rescue.

The Rescuer will always end up feeling the Victim, but sometimes may be perceived by others, who are on the outside looking in, as being the Persecutor.

The “Victim” is someone who usually feels overwhelmed by their own sense of vulnerability, inadequacy or powerlessness, and does not take responsibility for themselves or their own power, and therefore looks for a Rescuer to take care of them.

At some point the Victim may feel let down by their Rescuer, or perhaps overwhelmed or even persecuted by them.

At this stage the Victim will move to the Persecutor position, and persecute their erstwhile Rescuer. They may even enlist another Rescuer to persecute the previous Rescuer. However, the Victim will still experience themselves internally as being the Victim.

The position of “Persecutor” is synonymous with being unaware of one’s own power and therefore discounting it. Either way, the power used is negative and often destructive.

Any player in the “game” may at any time be experienced as the Persecutor by the other player/players.

However their own internal perception may be that they are being persecuted, and that they are the Victim. Of course, there are instances in which the Persecutor is knowingly and maliciously persecuting the other person. If this is the case, then strictly speaking the Persecutor is no longer playing a “Game“, in the TA sense of the word, as the Persecutor is operating from a place of conscious awareness; it could then be argued that they are in fact employing a strategy.

Persecutor – Power

Rescuer – Responsibility

Victim – Vulnerability

 

Each of the positions is taken up as a result of an issue being discounted or disowned.

To remedy this –

The Rescuer needs to take responsibility for him/herself, connect with their power and acknowledge their vulnerability.

The Victim needs to own their vulnerability and take responsibility for themselves and also recognise that they have power and are able to use it appropriately.

The Persecutor needs initially to own their power, rather than be afraid of it or use it covertly.

Can you relate to any of this?

Let’s look at how we ‘OPT OUT’…

When an individual is taking responsibility for themselves and allows the other to also take responsibility for themselves, they are adopting the ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ position. This is a position of equality in which the responsibility of each individual is acknowledged. It is a position of empowerment and is one of honesty, reality and respect.

This is a place where boundaries, contracts, accountability and responsibility are all active.

If you like this kind of thing and want to know the exact steps to take in your life to opt out of the drama, to put boundaries in place, to say no with kindness and compassion, then you’ll probably enjoy the content of my courses M2M80 and M2M360, as this is one of the things we go into in a lot more depth than I have here.

Was this useful? Come share your AHA’s in The Misfit to Maven Mastermind.

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