We are relational beings, we all want to belong. Connected, communicative relationships with people who understand and appreciate us is what all of us want, right?
Whether it is with a partner, lover, client, colleague or our children, we all want to have that wonderful feeling of belonging, of being seen, heard, valued.
So how can I have better relationships?
These are my top ten tips:
1. Listen to your gut.
It tells you the truth. That niggle you get in your belly when you meet a person that isn’t good for you? Or the easy contented feeling you get when you trust someone. That is all GOOD information. Practice listening to it, develop your intuition.
2. Have a physical practice – dance, yoga, lift, run, jiggle I don’t care, find some way of moving your body and practice breathing and moving, regularly. Having a physical practice increases your connection to self, enables embodiment, teaches respect as well as all the physical benefits!
3. Ask for what you need. Not everyone is a mind reader, how do you expect people to know what you need or want if you don’t communicate it? If you do this in a really matter of fact way, with out emotional attachment, people will always respond by helping out if they can. The sooner you ask, the less ‘baggage’ you ask with, the more likely people will do everything they can to assist.
4. Be responsible for your own feelings.
In the words of Abraham-Hicks “Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel—and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.”
5. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Allowing yourself to be seen as you are, with all your imperfections is truly inspiring, and beautifully sexy! By being perfectly imperfect you are giving others permission to do so to. True connection happens where there are cracks, where you can share in the rawness of it all.
6. Learn to really listen. How about having a conversation where you aren’t just waiting for your turn to talk, but really hearing what the other person is saying. This is one to practice. Often, we think we are showing that we are listening by relaying a similar experience or sharing our interpretation of what has been said. Sometimes, this is great, and sometimes, all of us just want to be heard, without being fixed, or advised or normalised. Just heard. Practice listening to others, and practice asking to be ‘just’ listened to.
7. Empathise. Put yourself in other peoples shoes. Imagine what it might be like for them.
8. Have compassion. We are all just doing our best.
9. Don’t try and manipulate others. Remember you have control of your thoughts, your actions, your behaviour and your beliefs… Don’t try to manipulate those of others. It’s a waste of your energy and it destroys connection.
10. Meditate. Sit quietly. Be comfortable with silence. This is you connecting with yourself, the earth, everything… we are all one, just energy; funny little particles.
Connection is something which is really important to me, and so I run workshops and retreats where we delve into the territory of connection. We unpack what it is all about. Catalyse Connection is a workshop that I run with different yoga teachers, offering a chance to explore the realm of connection: A chance to move and engage in being present. Through the yoga practice we connect with our breath, our bodies and our inner guidance system – noticing with wisdom that which connects us to the world and other living beings. In the group coaching sessions we then have a chance to connect cognitively with that knowledge and translate it in to a clear map of what we want. We look at where we are now, the possible futures laid out in front of us, which one is the one we truly want to be on course for, and look at actions we will take to make steps toward reaching it.
I am always open to hearing from teachers of different types of yoga and looking at how we might run a workshop together. If you are interested, please get in touch.
Currently in it’s weekend format Catalyse Connection is a chance to retreat, to relax and also become rejuvenated and energised. You will have the chance to meet other like minded people and share as little or as much of your story as you want. In a group environment you will have the chance to look at yourself as a relational being, in the context of your work, your life or your relationships – the choice is yours.
Catalyse Connection yoga and coaching retreat – Not currently offering dates. Contact me to arrange something in your area.