How to throw a pity party – And why it might be good for you
Picture credit Rosie Hardy
Everything out there seems to suggest that feeling sorry for your self is not a good idea. And I agree, to a point. I also think that avoiding our feelings is not healthy either…Stuffing our feelings down, faking it til you make it, only being a happy bunny, all of the time is just not realistic.. (and not good for you.)
All of your feelings are valid, feeling them, taking time to feel them is not only important but will improve your health.
If you feel sad, feel sad. If you are angry, feel angry. If you have some shame to feel, feel that shame… and then work out what you want instead.
If you spend your whole time suppressive and pushing away feelings, it is my experience that they will respond like a angry toddler - louder and louder and more in your face, until you acknowledge them.
The first step in the path to living a fully rounded life is AWARENESS. Being aware of our feelings sometimes means throwing a little pity party and sitting with feeling bad, sad, or mad.
Treating it like an enquiry, with patience and love will - just like it would that toddler, sedate them back to communicating with you.
The best thing that you can do it to explore the feeling, really explore with curiosity - how it feels in your body, sensately.
If the negative committee in your head have come out to play, rather than listening to the words that they are saying, remember instead that your intuitive self is always wanting to work with you instead of against you.
These patterns of behaviour that you find yourself in are often the same time and again, not to show you how much of a failure you are, but instead to be recognisable to you. What if your intuitive self were SO clever that it was trying to tell you something awesome.
Next time the critic, bully, perfectionist or judgemeister are out in force, instead of listening to the actual words your fearful selves are chanting over and over, try saying thank you for showing me I need to stop, breathe and take stock… what might your intuitive self be trying to share with you?
What wisdom is your highest self communicating to you?
Do you need to slow down?
Do you need to breathe?
Do you need reach out and ask for help?
How can you anchor yourself, ground yourself?
What it would take to sit with those feelings, and receive their messages with loving kindness….???
I am going to share with you the steps I take when I find myself in a cycle and want to throw a party:
Thank them for showing up and for letting you know that something isn’t right.
Find a place to sit comfortably, with a glass of water or a cuppa and take stock.
Scan through your body parts and notice how they feel. What is your breath doing? Where does it feel tight? What emotion are they provoking in you?
If a notebook helps, take some time to write down how you are feeling, have a conversation with the part of yourself that has something to say. Listen to it, and ask what wisdom it is trying to share.
If writing doesn’t work for you, just sit and run through this in your mind.
If you only take one thing away from this, I hope it's this: When I think of those little gremlins as the enemy or as bad, they get bigger and bitchier… when I treat them like shadow deities they answer my questions with wisdom…
Remember that all parts of you, your ego and your shadows included are here to serve and protect you. Often what feels tough is just an invitation to be a ninja and train harder!
As usual, please comment with your thoughts, questions and experiences in the comments below!