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Saying no, is hard for so many people... Are you one of them?
Do you feel overwhelmed by everything that you want to do?
Do you feel like you have 200 really good ideas tangling around in your brain like a mess of spaghetti, of all which need to be executed immediately?
I'm yet to meet a creative who doesn't say yes to these questions at some point or another, so you are in good company.One of the many reasons why we all need to be reminded of our 'why' and our value filter is in order to access with ease a really clear 'yes' and or a really clear 'no'?
Let me side track for a moment...
If I asked you to name 10 people that you love, who would you name?
Can you name 10?
More importantly, did you include yourself?
Okay, so I am assuming that you do love yourself, OR are working towards a place of love and acceptance.
Deeper than self-connection. Self-LOVE is really about being a self governed, self responsible, kick ass and kind human, who accepts and nurtures with acceptance and attention, all parts of themselves and takes appropriate action to get their needs met.
Self love is also about acknowledging our desires, and assisting in their manifestation by being supportive of ourselves; whatever is needed.
Self love then, is also about saying NO.
In the same way as you say no to a child who wants to eat a whole tub of chocolate icecream, you must say NO as self care, self preservation, SELF LOVE.
In order for me to reach my goals I need structure and a plan. I need to harness my single focus ( more masculine energy) but my wonderfully female brain wants to multitask and work with a diffuse focus, floating off into the details and ideas over and over.
I know that working smart, not hard is all about focusing on one thing at a time, and not cross processing; moving from one thing to another, losing efficiency as I go.
I also know that focusing on one thing at a time goes against my cognitive bias for big picture and fine detail.
So, In order to focus I need to set boundaries, and say NO to more, creating space for that which I do want MORE....BUT saying no can feel incredibly uncomfortable.
Saying NO can be an act of self love.
Its learning to say "I do not care if you like me or not, I'm saying no with loving kindness."
And the more you practice saying what you mean, the more present you can be in your life, the more you can enjoy it!
So, here are my tips for saying NO:
Remember that saying NO is saying YES to something else.
Get clear on your WHY, your purpose and your primary focus for life, for this quarter or for the year.
Remember that if it is not in your top three priorities it will not happen, if it is still important, park it and come back to it later.
Remember Divine timing, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, and enjoying the journey is LIFE, ticking the experience or achievement off a list is not the reason for doing something. (and if it is, ask yourself why.)
Lastly, remember that when you have a clear and strong NO, you can also have a clear and strong YES, when you start moving from numbness to awareness and presence there are treasures, feelings of JOY and connection on the other side of that small two letter word!
I hope that has helped a little, I'd love if you'd leave a comment and share your tips with us too!